"I know a man who's got two,
He thought he was one of a few,
But his mate said with glee
So what, I've got three!
One red, one white and one blue".

Peter Whitaker, York

Ten buses came at once
Coming back from an active séance,
People thought the front driver
Was lady Godiva,
They'd never seen such a response.

Alan Mitchell

Fifa would like its ball back
Please return in a brown paper sack'
It was kicked far too high
Disappeared far too high,
When the ref had a panic attack.

Val Ford, Tunbridge Wells

"One day at The Great Yorkshire Show,
I met Elvis and Valentino,
But they couldn't disguise
The intent in their eyes,
What strange names for goats, don't you know".

Bob Hog, Thirsk

"A man with a mouth in his neck
Was beginning to feel like a wreck,
Until he gave a big pout
To a film talent scout
Now he's an alien in Star Trek".

Ryan Swain, Norton

"It was Radio York's Twenty-first,
Thier birthday could cause an outburst,
So forget about telly,
Just drink and be merry,
You can bet it was never rehearsed".

Cameron Jennings, Congleton, Cheshire

"We've thought of a brand new game,
Its like football but not quite the same
You dribble a ball
And avoid the pitfall.
Oh dear, you've lost, what a shame".

Cameron Jennings, Congleton, Cheshire

A man had a dark brown dog
That looked like a thirteen stone frog,
Its big bulbous eyes
And powerful thighs
Had all of the neighbours agog.

Cameron Jennings, Congleton, Cheshire

"We're off to pick strawberries on Mars,
And put them in vacuum proof jars,
They taste just as plain as
Those grown on Uranus,
(But you don't get emotional scars)".

Sadie Chilton Whitby

They once had a Yank on the show,
Who finished each sentence with "Yo",
Or a Simpsons-style "Doh!"
Or "what's happenin' bro'?"
But strangely not "Hey nonny no".

Sadie Chilton Whitby

She's gone to a wedding again
This must be at least number ten
The vicar did groan
As they've been all her own,
She just likes a change now and then.

Alan Mitchel

"I've eaten too many cakes,
And then six Cadbury flakes,
Then some lemon meringue,
And some strawberry flan,
There's no wonder my belly aches".

Alan Vincent Kay, Sheffield

He went to the wrong church,
After leaving "The Parrot's Perch",
He lookied for St. Peters
But after 10 litres,
His vision was slightly besmirched.

Alan Mitchell

They all wore Hawaiian shirts,
"Nothing else", the witness asserts,
This genital vision,
Brought hoots of derision,
And several medic alerts.

Bob Hogg, Thirsk

"They're trying to sell me stuff,
Like a glimpse of some bird in the buff,
She's all saucy and glam
On a high-tech web cam
But I bet right up close she's dead rough".

John Davis, Goodramgate, York

I had the most terrible dream:
Miss Fairfax was in my pub team.
She took all the blame For losing the game -
But the after-match bath was supreme!

John Davis, Goodramgate, York

Sal's run awat to New York
Where the roadsigns in town say don't walk
The cabbies all gab
From their big yellow cab
And the policemen are known as O'Rourke.

Alan Mitchell

There's too much stuff in the show
Folderol Folderol Foldero.
Folde Re Folde Ri,
Folde Do Folde Di.
Folde Blaa Folde Blaa Folde Blow.

Paddy Flyn

The horse that won the big race,
Had an awfully ugly face
It had red and green spots
In certain spots
And its body was a total disgrace.

Liam Anderson (aged 9) Sherburn near Scarborough.

Sal brought the show to a halt
After downing some eight-year-old malt,
She stripped herself bare
And then fell off her chair,
Like any DJ worth her salt.

John Davis, York

They say they've found a new planet,
It's been twinned with the borough of Thanet,
The mayor's lost her grip -
She wants a fact-finding trip,
But the treasurer's told her to can it.

John Davis, York

She bought a second hand bed
From the aunt of a man who's now dead,
That aunt is my mother
Whose older half brother
Gave to my uncle instead.

A hippo was found in a swamp,
After having a tiring romp,
It was chased by a cheetah
Whose long legs werer fleeter,
But the hippo had hooves he could stomp.

Kathleen, Osbaldwick

A bird was stuck up a tree,
As scared as the poor thing could be,
It said: "Aye, by rights,
I should be OK with heights,
But my dad was a mynah, you see.

Sadie Chilton, Whitby

The show's got a new competition,
Which puts Mike and Sal in a position
Of choosing a winner
Some time before dinner,
It's quite an important decision.

Mr. C.E. King, Bishopthorpe

"While dunking my ginger nuts,"
Said Chris Evans, clutching his guts,
"I tripped on the rug
And shattered the mug,
Now I've some embarrassing cuts."

Phil Eamonn, Driffield

A tiger who came to tea,
Was stung on his bum by a bee,
He had a deep frown
And couldn't sit down,
So we bathed it with TCP.

Patsy Pickering, Scalby, Scarborough

At the Tadcaster Chamber of Trade,
The committee are poorly paid,
But get plenty of beer
from the brewery here
So fuddled decisions are made.

Norman Hadfield, Butterwick, Brawby,  Malton

They say we're to have a cold snap,
So dig out your fur-lined jock strap,
But if it should freeze
I ask of you please
Wear two pairs of earrinns - don't flap!

Don Kirby, Scarborough

A woman who lost her keys
To her chastity belt said: "Oh please,
I've been locked up that long
In this cast-iron thong
There's traces of rust round my knees.

Jack Russell, Scarborough

There once was a man called Kevin
Who came to the house and asked "is Trev in"
I said he's waiting for you.
In his brand new Subaru.
Sitting at the wheel with the engine revvin.

Roy, Scarborough

At the start of a brand new year
Ive a pain in my head, oh dear,
And now I'm thinking
I'll give up drinking,
But that's what I said last year.

Mr G Cottingham, Barnsley